Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
