there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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