he puts the penis in happiness.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
