I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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