I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
