dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
