She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
