1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
