dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
