I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
