Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
