why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
