You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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