If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
