how can u be prego again
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
