Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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