Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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