The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND