Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs