I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
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you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.