saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal