I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
