mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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