the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
