Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I need a burrito and a hug.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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