did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
