She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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