I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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