and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
