Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
