I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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