Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
