somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
