She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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