worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
