check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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