There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
