now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
