Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
