You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
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it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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