Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
