Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
