So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
