I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
