can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My vagina is officially offended.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
