Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
