Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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