i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
