so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
