i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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