She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
