not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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