apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
