I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
