i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
