If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
