come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm eating all of the evidence.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
