If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
