3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
