he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
