The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
