I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
