You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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