i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
