I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
