i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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