When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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