I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
