I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
