What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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