I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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