If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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