i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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