my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
