Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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