have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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