i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
