Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You are the jesus of drinking
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
