i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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