i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
