i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
