GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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