Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
