did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
